Thursday, December 19, 2013

Wind mined Diamond heart

Am I still really writing this? Yes, because the material keeps pouring in! Each time a storm name double entendre is revealed I yelp out, contemplate the wonder of it all for a while, and then scribble it in my notes. And now it's time to share these bright diamonds with you. And for our guests, it'll be kinda dim to figure out unless you've read the last post: Put the Blame on Mame. Whatever order you read in, eventually it's all going to make sense anyhow.

Am I still within the allotted timeline? It's nearly two months since my last post. Wouldn't want to elicit the same impatient spurts as last time when I waffled about sending the twerk video. On my way to Pinel the other day I saw this boat, Aferado, which stands for 'affaire ado' - 'teenage thing' in French (ado is short for adolescent). Instantly I thought of the call or ado floods of mid September, striking right before I finally sent the dance video.

And today I hear about another school shooting in Centennial Colorado. Centennial? OMFG! It hasn't even been two months! The shooting happened in a school called Arapahoe. 'Are A' is familiar from Ass he an A airlines... pas hoe? oui hoe! hoe on in a minute.... hoe on a roll!

So when we left off at the last post of Oct. 17th, fireworks were exploding, the man-on-fire blazing embers still red hot. Soon after I wrote you, the fire theme turned festive with this Oct 21st Guinness world record charity stunt of 21 men lighting themselves aflame.

And on Oct. 19th a tropical depression formed, later to be named Lekima: 2013's second strongest storm... 'Like he: Ma' also flickered approving sparks as he danced in hot colors.

The pyrotechnic visuals didn't let up, with this guy lighting a cigarette and setting his wife ablaze at a gas station on Oct. 26th.

And this Nov. 2nd skydiving collision caught on helmet cam. Divers and pilots returned to earth safely... wifey, not so lucky.

The brightest star in my firmament of clues was you, though, as seen in this little scrapbook of cute comments from Oct. 25th, Nov. 1st and 15th.

At this point I'd like to deflect the ridicule away from me for a sec, with this screen shot from my other favorite show, Fashion Police. Says Joan: "This is just another day for Lady Gaga with balls hanging in her face!"

While we're at it, let the angel get some too! You sent this sweet lollipop: 'orange is the new wack'... 'or' meaning golden and 'ange' is... yes! Golden angel in reference to the gold suit videos and Doré âne... typhoon Dorian, the golden donkey dance! I love that one! Your talent rivalizes the actual wack job angel's!

By the way, we had a Halloween typhoon, Krosa... Cruz ah! Ted Cruz scary enough for you? Also reminded me of crows, those spooky black birds, and creuse, the verb 'to dig' in French.

But that wasn't the scary part... not yet. In fact the scary part is so scary I may be reformed for life! But first I'm going to go into intermission with one of your classic digs.

When you send out a picture like this, I can't resist using the verb in a sentence!

By the way, this is about as Jesusy as I get:

In another saintly hookup, now even Europe is naming its storms, bringing us St. Jude on Oct. 29th. In a little aha! moment I was reminded of Hey Jude... you'll recall my 'enema felt like a Beatles' song' brain fart from the last post... Could this lyric from the song, "The movement you need is on your shoulder" be referring to the bucket hanging from the door knob as you sit on the bathroom floor?

So for test #3, I had the not-so-bright idea of taking pictures and videos with the opposite sex. Let me affirm this right now: there will be no videos with the opposite sex. I've proved this thing to myself and I won't do anything to provoke this again gratuitously. The testing is now complete, the results are in, and as far as I'm concerned the tests don't need to be replicated. How about that for an intro to the results of test #3?

For Halloween I decided to wear a SWAT suit, endowed with a fabulous fly swatter. It was the big hit of the evening, everyone wanted to get a techno swatting; total strangers were waiting in line to get swatted! The costumes were pretty entertaining. In a little aside kinda detail, I had almost no juice left in the camera battery, but in a few instants I managed to get these evocative shots featuring my brother and his girlfriend Tatiana.

Then this guy I never met, sporting a star on one eye, took the swatter and hit me while Tatiana got the shot! If that wasn't a 'by design' moment, I don't know what is. When I got home that morning, I realized the test had set itself up for me. So I sent you the pictures, with the caption: 'to test or not to test' next to the picture of the sinfully satisfied starry-faced swatter.

Google search says typhoon Haiyan ( hi âne - hello donkey!) formed on Nov. 2nd. According to HAARP researcher Dutchsince, the rotation began in the night of the 31st of Oct to Nov 1st. He also said it was created by an intentional HAARP microwave pulse. Check this picture. The microwave pulse that alledgedly created Typhoon Francisco is clearly visible at the bottom. Dutchsince documented microwave pulses for at least four typhoons. The Philippines also took notice and aired his man made typhoon theory on their national news, leading to a rebuttal to try to discredit him by a Filipino, Dr. Mahar Lagmay. Maher may lag? We know your TV persona is a little behind in all play your cards so close to your sweater vest! The main thing is, climate geo-engineering news are making it into the mainstream; the evidence is finally being acknowledged.

Haiyan - Hi donkey - turned out to be the strongest storm ever recorded. Since it went to the Philippines it also had a second name: Yolanda - Yo! land! Ah! How bout that? I knew something was coming, but the intensity was bewildering... and the blatant pleasure of the adventure discernible in the name, Yo, land ah!... Total Freakin' Destruction. Over 6000 dead, with supposedly safe shelters destroyed in Tacloban city, just like the drownings in the Moore tornado church basement. But that's just a cross dimensional dream... although many people believe this true act of terror was intentional. How could it be simple global warming if cyclones are targeting only this part of the globe? Unjustifiable by common scientific beliefs. The weather warfare plausibility leads to one big question: who would do that? China-Philippines relations have been increasingly tense since 2012's military standoff over the Scarborough Shoal rock formation. I'm looking forward to a show when this question is debated by your experts.

Are we done with the donkey yet? I know it's your team's mascot, but do we have to keep bringing up the imagery? On November 10th, a tropical storm followed on Yolanda's heels, called  Zoraida. She kept the suspense flowing... 'Os' in French, pronounced ZO, means bones... 'bones raid ah!' Zoraida is also the name of the Algerian character from the play Don Quixote, who rides in on a donkey!

Hey... Algerian? That's where I happened to be born. Here's Zoraida, and my best Arabian eyes.

Even after all this... I knew it wasn't over. I didn't have my period yet. I tweeted to tell you to stay on the lookout for more:

Haiyan... hi âne! Yolanda... yo! land! ah! To test or not to test? Does this madness spring from neglected love? More to come...

But it wasn't expected until the end of November...

On the eve of the hit on the Philippines, as Haiyan's intentions became clear, I felt it proper to say hi! back to you, so I tweeted this on Nov. 7th.

Hi Bill

In reply, you seemed to acknowledge my mad scientist skills, with this 'Right person for the job' slogan featured on your web page.

You brought it up again in the next show on Nov. 15th, with a double name whammy featuring an "Obama's Katrina, heckofa job Brownie" quip on Obamacare. It would be sacrilegious to leave out the part about Bill Clinton's big fat vegan mouth!

In the meantime, Obama was getting so upset about the health care website debacle; I actually detected his frustration with the rare Nov. 17th killer tornado in Washington. Illinois, combined with the equally rare hurricane Mellissa on Nov. 18th... 'mêlé' in french is mixing in... and Issa... well Darrel Issa felt it necessary to inject his usual whiny protests in the Nov. 13th Obamacare website hearings, and I'm sure that drove every Democrat up the wall.

Back to test #3. Ten days after Haiyan came typhoon Helen, easily deciphered as hell and haine (haine is French for hate), and to be expected following Haiyan. And our other storm, Zoraida was also called Podul. The letter P in French is pronounced exactly like the word paix, meaning peace. 'paix oh dull!' 'peace oh dull!'... I had just been wondering why we can't find good news to blog about... Driving along that day, I saw what looked like a large dead cat in the middle of the road. Terror welled up within me. Closer inspection revealed it was a tiger striped carpet from one of the 9 whore houses dotting the 10 minute stretch of road to town.

After the initial zap, I was reminded of a book, Challenges of Change by Stanley Fulham, about extraterrestrials who overcame every source of conflict, live in a state of perfect harmony, and over time lost the ability to feel any emotion. Supposedly they cherish humans for our ability to 'emote' and admire our fear, anger, joy... as a primo source of entertainment.

There you have it! My spark of fear was harvested as a delicacy, just like the orgasms. Is this what happens over the rainbow, when all that's left is peace and love? Paix oh dull! Perhaps that's why the aliens are called the Greys? What's the point of striving for an end to all strife, when the resolution is the ultimate let down? Sounds like rich people's problems. Anyway, time for an attitude adjustment... the moral is, you wanna stay centered even during the most luscious calamity.

Are you ready for the clusterfuck finale? I got my period on the week of Nov. 24th. I noticed you tried to make a menstrual joke... the look on your face with hyperbole running down your leg is priceless!

Nov. 24th's Cyclone Allessia (all he see ah!) was but an introduction leading to the crescendo of terror we've come to expect. The same week, snow storm Boreas, dubbed 'gobblegeddon', wreaked havock all over the US during Thanksgiving travel. Boreas - Remember to test or not to test... a play on 'to be or not to be'? Be whory ass. From the Halloween picture? Right... Wunderground also showed this rose with the caption 'hoar frost'...

I did send you a little 'lol' when you brought up lighting Al Gore, the tree frog. When I saw cyclone Lehar the next day, I figured that was a chuckle for a lol... little did I know that wasn't the last laugh...

  1. Obama said Clinton was OK in doses. They were together a lot this week. Oy. And next week, they meet again at the annual lighting of Al Gore

It's interesting to note Lehar fizzled out like an Atlantic storm; India has the right geo-political connections.

So now, here's the last laugh...on Nov. 24th I was watching The American Music Awards when something made me check your webpage. You're on in 5 minutes, presenting Rihanna with the Icon Award! Rihanna's Mom thanked Jesus with gusto and your look had me Leharring and tweeting at the same time!

Honor be to Lord Jesus and thank the Lord almighty!

Miley's performance was the dramageddon of the night, though, as she sang 'Wrecking Ball' with the giant lip-synching cat in the exploding universe. With lyrics like these, I couldn't help but think of what I went through since I started watching you.

I came in like a wrecking ball
I never hit so hard in love
All I wanted was to break your walls
All you ever did was wreck me

When you posted this video on your web page back in 2008, and I started listening for your last words in each featured video... yes, you drove me crazy...I hope the feeling is mutual... frienemies.

Well now maybe I can sit back and laugh about it...  obviously none of that semiotic synchromystical shit would have been possible if we communicated directly, but by now the confusion is over... I've been wrecked and recovered. We'll have to see what's left of this research project as I stop prodding and provoking the cherub. Yes, the tests are done... we're gonna be good next year.

Woa, hold on, report on test #3 not done yet. After I saw the cat sing that song, a wave of emotion swept over me, and my hormones started to act up. Yep, it was that time again, and IT was on full swing by weekend, when in the span of two days, this happened...

Nov. 29th, the copter nailed the pub in Scotland. The pub is called The Clutha, 'clouta' meaning 'to nail' in French.

As you know by now, I'm not rich, as I spend so much time blogging you. Ocasionally I decorate a little, rounded out by a couple rental units. I also rent my downstairs suite to vacationers, allowing me to meet some great people along the way.

On this day, a guy was here with his cutie. Although I have the place well soundproofed, I could hear crashing and banging downstairs. The next day the guy came up with scratches forming whisker-like motifs on his cheek, telling me she beat him up straight through the day and night, driven by jealousy over an incriminating email. 'Wow', I was thinking, ripple effects of a naughty angel! I was able to get the guy safely off the island, but the fireworks weren't done. It happened on Nov. 30th and Dec. 1st, all in a row. First there was the train derailment in Spuytin Duyvil, Bronx - spoutin devil? - more like sparring devil!

...and the 65 car pile up in Worcester, Mass on Dec 1st. That day, there was one more surprise in her war chest. This one finally brought it home...

Fast and Furious movie star Paul Walker... wall coeur (coeur is heart)... went up in a fireball when he hit a speed limit sign, for no apparent reason. I saw it as the answer to "all I ever wanted to do was break your walls".

Do you have to lose your mind to follow your heart? aka Are you outta your mind to follow this blog?

So here's some miscellaneous storm names I saved for last. Nov. 4th's tropical storm Sonia heralded a beautiful 'sunny ah!' day to take some pictures at Pinel. I already sent you those:

And here's more pussy of the sea...the other day I was out with Tatiana, who knows, maybe one day my sister-in-law, and I took the camera...

I've been meaning to bring this up... you somehow picked up that I wanted to return a Toto toilet seat because I thought it wasn't the right shade of beige!

And then my friend Taco asked me to vote for him at the Chamber of Commerce. At the same time, here comes the thousand mile snow storm Electra - elect are A! Of course I'd vote for you....

On Dec 2nd I tweeted you something to let you know I'm still alive...

Enjoy Downton Tabby. I'm still sniffering the theater of operations. No report yet. So far in the annals: a big, stinking bottom.

That sniffed out nicely. The same day I hear about snow storm Cleon -see elle he on -  And then Dion - 'dit' is tell... I'm telling morning to night since a week! Europe had storm Xaver - X have her - Remember X is vexed enough already?

I felt it wise not to add 'and you get the crumbs'. X is vexed enough already what with Ass He An "A" circling right out the sky.

X have her... I figured this one out at the beach early one morning in a gorgeous sunrise, Hallelujah!

Finally the other day, I found your picture from the night before, looking good. The blog wasn't ready yet, and the next window I opened showed two cyclones: Amara - Ah Ma are A! and Bruce - Be are you? See he.

With Carol Leifer and Larry David at our annual comics dinner, minus a couple regulars.Good tidings, Yulers!

Here I be! Wearing Tatiana's size 0 suit...