Saturday, May 11, 2013

"I'm here. I'm free now." ~ Amanda Berry's 911 call on May 6th

Dear Bill,

Say earth girls are easy if you like, but I'm back here again, thanks to just one word from you. Before we get to that, here's an obligatory take on the Boston Marathon bombing. Some conspiracy theorists (your comedy fodder) feel the massacre happened during a hyper-realistic, false flag op... remember, there was a planned terror drill during the attack. They point the finger at the gov't via the Craft paramilitary organization, and argue the FBI abetted and facilitated the Tsarnaev boys as patsies... One thing seems clear though: when freedom of thought and information lead to such polarization of ideas, reality gets harder and harder to pin down. After seeing all the graphic images, I find it hard to swallow the concept that this was staged. On the other hand it's disturbing to find this picture in People Magazine of all places, which shows Tsarnaev's hand is clearly photoshopped, feeding into the 'conspiracy' theory that he still had his backpack after the blast. Yet, how could the photoshopper be so clumsy as to leave traces of a hand?!  I can't believe a graphic artist could be so careless... even if they work for the FBI. Are TPTB trying to provoke the alternative media? Or is 'reality' the product of so much contradictory thinking that it's tampered with - in and of itself?

After reading this sobering article by Tony Cartalucci detailing a consistent FBI involvement with domestic terrorism, your proposition that terrorism is designed to scare us into blowing up the balance sheet begs the logical conclusion that terrorism is the hell spawn of a lucrative taxpayer funded business, as are wars in general. So, do you think we'll get to hear Dzhokhar Tsarnaev and Colorado shooter James Holmes chatter as much as Jodi Arias?

I did notice more and more mainstream intellectuals are curious about conspiracy theories. Many of these ideas are simply spins on a reality which is not defined by the highest bidders. In the poker game of consciousness, the sheltered masses are forced to remove an article of clothing each time someone like you exposes them to new aberrations, like the threat of a FEMA roundup. Even though your statistics rightly attest that it's stupid to worry about having to survive an attack by the gov't, you're still giving the the conspiracy story some legs... no such thing as bad advertising. On the bright side, Matt Taibbi is on his way to the San Rafael Public Banking Conference... he can media launder a few ideas about that!  

And what about Family Guy's eerie prediction of the Boston bombing? What was that all about? Another pile of baba ghanoush?

Although the inconsistencies above are growing pains, par for the course in free thinking evolution, they're clear cut arithmetic compared to the brutal calculus I've had for homework... Yet, I still feel it's all part of nature. Here we go...

When the bombing occurred I was horrified and relieved it had absolutely nothing to do with us. Until I beamed the memo as I opened my eyes the next morning. Dzhokhar Tsarnaev... Joker Star Naive. I have to admit it summed up my feelings so sweetly, a wave of vindication swept over me, and still elicits a smile. Assuming you really are part of this equation, how could you expect me to act any differently? I'm comfortable in my nest on the hill, and I find our anti-relationship a fascinating study. Instinctively, I think if I came backstage to one of your shows, it would very likely deflate the whole metaphysical soufflĂ©!

We found out the brothers intended to strike on the fourth of July, but the bombs were finished quicker... interesting they chose the Marathon - Ma wrath on. The simultaneous explosion near Waco - wake oh! - in West, Texas - Ou est? text us... brought home the point with a big kaboom.  A couple more joker trademark quips came up, like the bomber's mom's name, Zubeidat Tsarnaev - You Be That Star Naive - a retort right on par with Pee Wee! And how about the aunt's name, Maret Tsarnaeva -Ma Write Star Never - not! I'm here now. There's more, but the rest is conjecture - ha!

So, which word seduced me to come back?

Do you recall back in 2008, I was on your phpBB forum? I brought up tropical storm Iselle, the first hurricane name reference I ever wrote you about. A little identifier to introduce myself...

Did you have the prodigious wit to tie her into your tweet from April 24th, 2013?

Bill Maher@billmaher

Hey let's not let the #douchebagbrothers affect the immigration bill. Except the part where you get a pronounceable name on Ellis Island.

Iselle... Ellis... It's such a colossal loop, I'm not taking any chances - I'm back... mesmerized by a rhetorical double twist!

Alright, enough applause, let's return to something more natural, like a rant. Have we had enough Jesus analogies? Christburger! I squirm each time. If there's anything you and I agree on, it's that spirituality is cheapened by the priest middle man. Priests and religious leaders in general contradict the very essence of spiritual development: independent thinking, self-discovery, trusting one's instinct and finding happiness within.

First there was your New Rules asking 'has anyone seen my cat?' "Please Jesus give me the strength to not fuck my cat!"... with your two arms up in the air! Then the 'Jesus has Risen' poster, flanked by your homey Downtown Julie Brown ( I had to digitally remove the red eye... someone in your entourage should do those things for you before these pictures circulate), now here comes 'Jesus is like Rihanna; no matter how bad you treat him he still loves you', nice covert approach but that name Brown still rings a bell.... Asking for forgiveness was all over the April 26th show. Even New Rules was about Mark Sanford's redemption vs Anthony Weiner's prolonged penance in the corner.

Finally I tweeted you on May 1st, and next thing you know, Jesus is coming back. Here's the clip from last week's show.

Don't you think 'antichrist' would describe us better? I had a cryptic, hand over my eyes laugh when I saw Nostradamus' name for the third antichrist, the one we haven't met yet.. after Napoleon - PAU, NAY, LORON and Hilter - Hister... It's Mabus - Ma bust! If I ever conclusively believe that you are playing an active part in all this, I'm bound to keep my word from the last post and go topless... plus, Ma will bust you! As we know, it's entirely for your own good... a little lovin' magic never hurt anyone.

As April 30th's Tropical Cyclone Zane alludes, it's possible to be sane and zany at the same time...

While we're here, let's go down the list...

Winter storm Virgil warned that my Cat Minou had a ear infection... which we are treating successfully. Storm Xerxes happened as I sent this blog to TedX Whitechapel speaker Charles Eisenstein, whose talk inspired me -  Xer sees. By the way, those are the kind of people I send the blog to: thinkers, shamans, neuropsychologists and the like. Names I pick up from Ted talks and Through the Wormhole. I'm still waiting for some breakthrough explanation!

Around the same time we had the evocative snow storm name Yogi, and Zeus (a figure with a lightning bolt?) and now just as I was felled with the flu following two weeks of intense partying for Carnaval, here's Achilles... achoo! Here are some pictures of Jump Up, our fuck you to your police state! I'm finally recovered and ready to go out dancing this weekend with my friend and downstairs tenant, Joya, who is the dutch beauty pictured in the Carnaval shot wearing the paintball splattered aqua colored pants.

Then there's the watertown episode. Remember last week, my second tweet was a compliment about the rain after months of sunshine, and how the cistern was finally getting filled? Well, the very next day Joya's kitchen pipe broke and all the cistern water gushed out! Here she is scooping inches of water off the floor. We're taking it in stride... focusing instead on dancing.

To update a previous post, the resurgence of vaporizing weed was short lived. From a hypersensitive point of view, the high is somewhat vulgar... wrought with static. Actually this is kinda funny and kinda pathetic. Yesterday there was tropical cyclone 24S out there and I looked everywhere in vain to see its future name. This morning I found it: Jamala. I knew from before that in order to make sense, it should reflect my ultimate let down with weed (remember I spent hours on the net researching the vaporizer and water bubbler attachment, followed by a couple cyclone names to celebrate their arrival). Well, the name Jamala is a jokull on the Jesus rib - Jah... mal is french for bad and ah... well, I have to admit... years of heavy drugs in my youth hanging out with Don and Dave Sanborn have taken their toll. Jah mal ah. I remember Dave himself used to travel with a full macrobiotic kitchen. Here's how I'm trying to align my chakras: a shamanesque lady friend gave me acupuncture, accompanied by a channeling session using a Tibetan singing bowl. She said she called on whichever spirits were in the neighborhood. It felt great... for a few minutes it felt like I serenely contained the sun. To follow up, she also gave me great advice to go gluten and dairy free. Now, a couple weeks later I'm beginning to feel the benefits... I even accidentally mis-spelled Marathon to Ma Rah Thin!

And now, I'm just about to publish after re-reading this thing over and over. I check Weather Underground and see Cyclone Mahasen just formed... Ma hasten... ok. ok...I'm sending it now!